I hate to say this, but when you have a new recruit working with you for the first couple of weeks, you treat him like he’s your first puppy. You can do whatever you want with him and he won’t beef. My regular partner, Dirk and I, were informed by the Captain that we would be receiving a new recruit as the third officer on the car. The first day I met George was a memorable one. After roll-call, we went to our assigned squad car, checked the outside for any damage, sat in the front seat, and introduced ourselves. I immediately informed George that we had one rule on this car: sex or lunch. I stared him in the eyes and gritted my teeth to prevent my laughter. He glared back and with a stammering hesitation said “I’ll buy lunch.” I smiled and said “Great”, then put the car in gear and drove off. After an uneventful and unusually quiet eight hour tour, we parted company after my free lunch. It happened to be my regular day off the next day, but that didn’t prevent me from calling Dirk, and explaining what I had done to the new recruit.

He chuckled and the conversation ended. The following day Dirk and George were teamed up for the first time. After roll-call and vehicle inspection, Dirk explained to George that we had only one rule on this car: sex or lunch. George, with no place to hide, or anyone to turn to, replied, “Lunch.” This pattern of psychological abuse went on for the remainder of the week with George thinking he was partnered with a couple of sexual psychopaths. After Dirk and I had free lunches for a week, we finally told George we were just screwing with him; it was all a joke. Between relief and anger, George was finally able to relax. To this day, 25 years later when we get together, all Dirk or I have to say is, “Sex or lunch” and George goes into his “Fuck you,” speech.

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